Skip to main content

tv   The Daily Show With Jon Stewart  Comedy Central  December 12, 2012 1:00am-1:30am PST

1:00 am
i just gotta get this off-- my girl right here, your mouth was agape after black vagina. she was just, like... [laughter] she was literally, like... it's just, like-- i've only seen-- in my whole life, i've only seen macaulay culkin do that. in my whole life. - yeah. - serious, she was, like, it was crazy. - all right, let's get outta here. - let's get outta here. - yeah. - you and i go to the bar, couple of friends. and then maybe-- - bup-bup. - let's just bup-bup-bup-bup. - yeah. - good night, everybody. [cheers and applause] - bup. bup-bup. - bup-bup. - bup-bup. - ♪ i'm gonna do my one line here ♪ - oh, yeah. captioning sponsored by comedy central
1:01 am
(cheers and applause) >> jon: welcome to "the daily show"! my name is jon stewart! we've got a good one for you tonight. we've got a good one. our guest, laura linney. she's in the new movie in "hyde park on the hudson." daisy was apparently f.d.r.'s confidante at a time when confidante meant "guy i have sex with." (laughter) we begin tonight in michigan where ten months ago michigan's governor rick snyder -- (laughter). that's dee snyder. duke snyder. that's roy scheider. (laughter).
1:02 am
(cheers and applause) that's just a picture of me looking aknowed with this bit. there we go. rick snyder. anyway, this (bleep) guy. michigan governor rick snyder went before congress ten months ago to say he was not particularly interested at this time in making the bedrock union state of michigan a right to work state. >> right to work is an issue that is a very divisive issue. people feel very strongly about it. we have many problems in michigan that are much more pressing that i want to find common ground issues we can work together on before we get into divisive issues. >> jon: (whispering) going to bring people together. (laughter) he was going to focus on common ground things people from michigan want and need. more robocoppers on the streets of new detroit. (laughter) getting the tourism board to work a little harder on its new slogan. (laughter) and finally --
1:03 am
(applause). finally michigan was going to fin their statue i have been petitioning for online. (laughter) they've got a rocky statue in philly, they should have a kid rock statue in detroit. that's some bull (bleep) right there. (laughter) none of that is done. he hasn't done any of it so -- >> moments ago the michigan house approved a right-to-work bill the state senate passed last week. >> jon: doesn't matter. your governor doesn't want to work on that divisive issue. >> republican governor rick snyder promises to sign the bill as soon as it hits his desk which could be within hours. >> jon: actually, between the time that we cut that soundbite and now he already signed it! so (bleep). (laughter) look, you know what, man? so what? so what? so this guy who really looks pleasant enough.
1:04 am
(laughter) , maybe it won't be so bad. i mean, the phrase "right to work" is such a positive and uplifting message. what could it possibly do to organizations like unions that also supports workers rights. the law probably strengthens unions. >> it would make it illegal for unions and employers to mandate that employees be part of a union or pay any amount of money to that union. >> jon: or destroy the only leverage unions have to stay afloat, one or the other. so it's really a right-to-work around the union for the corporations. it's one of those things that are actually named for the opposite of the thing they do. like strip bars call themselves gentlemen's clubs. (laughter) or the t.v. network dedicated to making us stupider is called "the learning channel." (laughter) (cheers and applause) or a t.v. show that only airs four days a week calls it a daily show.
1:05 am
(cheers and applause) what's the deal, governor snyder? >> i sid this wasn't on my agenda for some time but if you look at it, we're losing a major competitive advantage. indiana has become a right-to-work state and i've looked at their pipeline. they have significantly increased the number of businesses looking to come to indiana and grow in indiana due to this legislation. >> jon: indiana! those sweet-faced good natured job-stealing sons of bitches. (laughter) wait a minute, let's go with the right spacing for that. india, north america! well, don't think we won't detect your call center accents, india n.a. how are michigan's union members takintaking this news? >> prounion protesters are swarming the capital building in
1:06 am
lancing. >> hey, hey, ho, ho, right to work has got to go. >> union busting is disgusting! (laughter). >> jon: dude, you're from michigan, detroit, "8 mile." you've got to come up with better rhymes that busting-disgusting if you want to win the khraoe climactic rap. you have to put effort into it. (laughter) (cheers and applause) look, you have one job at one factory, when you seize every benefit you could, yo, our palms are sweaty, knees week, arms heavy, working in a factory all day building chevys, like the volt, you plug it in, and then you win -- ecologically, because if it was an actual race you would not -- actually. you've got to dues collect for
1:07 am
the unions oro bahts are going to come and take away our jobs or to the chinese kids with the tiny hands to work and go -- ♪ this of ha tunety comes once in a lifetime note? note yo! (cheers and applause) you know what i realized? if i perform my hoff-torah a as bad as that i would owe my relatives money. for more we go to aasif mandvi in michigan and jason jones in indiana. there's not much kpet advantage in doing something that almost half the other states have already done. >> hey, jon, michigan doesn't have to beat half the country, we just have to be better than indiana. >> good luck with that. michigan's not a state! it's more of a dingle berry
1:08 am
hanging off canada's -- (laughter). >> indiana's a great place to send jobs! it's got the weather of north dakota and the racial harmony of mississippi! (laughter) >> indiana didn't take michigan's jobs, all right? michael moore ate them! (laughter) >> jon: now that both indiana and michigan have the exact same right to work laws, though, how are you going to differentiate yourselves? >> right to work? jon, come on, that is so 11 months ago. indiana's latest pro-business measure is the workplace safety act. any business that relocates here gets to dump whatever they want wherever they want for free. lakes, rivers, wetlands. they take all factories toxic slurry. >> jon: you call that workplace safety act. >> studies show poisoning the environments cuts workplace beaver bites down to zero. no more raccoon maulings or slipping on the o *d toad on a factory floor. dow chemical is very interesting. >> that's no match for
1:09 am
michigan's latest pro-business measure. work force education. >> jon: yeah, i'm going to guess that's not really educating workers, is it? >> it's the opposite! if your business needs cheap workers to pull long hours, michigan will turn its schools into factories! no more recess, kids, now it's a five-minute smoke break then back to the metal-stamp magazine! newspaper. >> nice try. but indiana has the pension acceleration act. >> jon: for god's sake what are you euthanizing workers when they hit retirement age? >> come on! isn't that brilliant? >> yeah, well we will build you a pit where you can throw your payroll and watch workers fight over it for your amusement armed only with the bones of the fortunate dead. >> jon: oh, for god's sake, what is that called? >> that is the incentive-based compensation bill. governor snyder says he's ready to sign it. >> jon: . >> son of a bitch! >> who's the dingleberry now, jones, huh? >> jon: guys! these measures are creative but
1:10 am
they don't create jobs. you're just trying to poach jobs from neighboring states by selling out your own workers. it's a race to the bottom. >> but whoever gets to the bottom first wins, right? (laughter). >> jon: i guess that's right. >> then it's on! >> yeah, (bleep)! come on! >> jon: aasif
1:11 am
1:12 am
1:13 am
(cheers and applause). >> jon: thank you. these ties are very in. (laughter) wink! welcome back to the show. let's turn our focus to europe. remember this fella here over my shoulder there? silvio berlusconi. a billionaire prime minister of italy elected three times even though as they say in rome, he was corrupt. >> the italian prime minister is no stranger to scandal. charges of bribery, corruption and embezzlement. >> officially guilty of tax fraud. >> sentenced to newshour years in prison for tax fraud. >> a serial flanderer. >> tales of lavish orgies. >> notorious all night so-called bunga-bunga parties. paying for sex with an underage prostitute. >> he was saying he could haven't sex with 11 women so instead he had sex with eight women. (laughter). >> jon: a man who had sex with eight women. that's the worst bond villain
1:14 am
ever! (laughter) and if you pull one of them off, you just grow back. last november with the italian economy tanking, voters replaced berlusconi with his polar opposite, mario monti, an academic economist who promised to balance italy's books with strict austerity measures. that's not an easy choice. the country basically deciding it would be better to live with its hard-ass stepfather even though its real father was outside revving up his alfa romeo promising to take everyone to a strip club for prosecco and waffles. (laughter) or whatever better version of waffles they have in italy. i'm sure. really? his zells is that what they do? (laughter) look at that grill pattern. it's (bleep)ing beautiful. how do they do it? everything you eat is better
1:15 am
there. kosher hot dogs. they probably have some kind of thing that gets saysly and blub blub. anyway, italy sucked it up and got the fiscal house in better shape, everyone's glad they did what they did. almost everyone. >> one of italy's most controversial former leaders is eyeing a comeback. berlusconi says he's planning to run again. this would be his fourth term in office. >> jon: he was convicted -- (laughter). he was convicted of tax fraud six weeks ago. he was sentenced to newshour years. now i understand he's appealing the sentence and that with time off for at least good behavior he could be out in let's say two years. who is going to take this seriously? >> monti announcing he'll step down before his term ends. the decision comes after the party of former prime minister silvio berlusconi withdrew its support for monti's government last week. >> jon: holy (bleep).
1:16 am
(laughter) how does this guy do that? italy, what are you doing? berlusconi doesn't even want this. >> speaking to reporters at a football match he sounded almost reluctant. "i'm returning sadly to public service." (laughter) "again, i'm doing it out of a sense of responsibility." (laughter) stphaoud if you had a sense of responsibility you would have stopped at the seventh girl! you went eight! when has berlusconi ever displayed a sense of responsibility? his family crest is a guy (bleep)ing in a swimming pool! (laughter). (cheers and applause) congratulations to the graphics team on that one. (laughter) they've outdone themselves. maybe you don't want monti, fine. but does that mean berlusconi
1:17 am
has to take over? don't off football star? that guy could be it. roberto be benigni, he's so fun. mario! such a good driver! il divo, there's four of them! they could split it up, for god's sakes. this guy is unbelievable. he has taken what normally would be enough oil yee gotism to get him to run for office maybe once and turned that into enough oil yee gotism for four separate campaigns. what's the opposite of a chanukah miracle? that's what he's done. how does he win? he's got a it will something up his sleeve. >> former italian prime minister silvio berlusconi, the gift that keeps on giving released an album of love songs today. (audience reacts) >> jon: go on! ♪ ♪
1:18 am
>> jon: okay, that's freaky, but that's not even the freakiest music video i've seen this week. ♪ i'm coming home, i got a little plan for you ♪ that i just might do ♪ let's do a little dance for two -- ♪ >> jon: that's number one, baby!
1:19 am
1:20 am
1:21 am
1:22 am
(cheers and applause). >> jon: welcome back! my guest tonight is a fine one, stars in show time's "the big c." her new film is called "hyde park on the hudson." >> is my wife behaving herself? >> yes. >> has my mother calmed down? >> she's fine. >> it's like a mad house. >> don't worry. all's quiet on the upstairs front. you look younger than i'd imagined. for a king, you know? >> he s he? >> they both seem nervous. that surprised me. >> without some help from us, daisy, there might not be an england to be king of. >> jon: f.d.r.'s getting hammered. (laughter) please welcome back to the program laura linney. (cheers and applause) nice to see you.
1:23 am
thank you for coming back. >> thank you for inviting me. >> please, you know, i love these historical films often times they are fantasy and fiction. this is based on this woman's diary. >> part of it, yes. absolutely. absolutely. the movie takes place over one weekend and there is a sort of a poetic license given with time and dates and things like that. however the woman who i play is someone who i had never heard of before, most people don't know that she even existed. and it was daisy suckley and she was f.d.r.'s cousin and very, very close confidante. >> jon: yes. >> yes! yes! >> jon: and in the day confidante, obviously -- >> (laughs) well, what happened was this woman lived to be 100 years old and she always sort of -- she was a real wall flower. no one took her seriously. she always feigned ignorance to anything about the president. that she was just a cousin and
1:24 am
helped keep him company and then when she died at 100 under her bed was a little -l -l suitcase filled with letters. filled. letters and diaries that their relationship was much more extensive than anyone understood and was non-platonic. >> jon: did you have an opportunity to look at these? >> i saw the suitcase! (laughs) >> >> jon: did chef a sam son night? >> her home is this amazing museum that most people also don't know about which is very close to hyde park you can go there and learn about daisy and her family. it's a magnificent place to go. the letters are at the presidential library at hyde park. >> jon: does she have surviving family members like children? >> no, no, she was single. (laughter). >> jon: what an amazing -->> amazing. but she woke up -- the people were kind enough to let me into her bedroom which is still exactly the way it was when she died and she lived in a -- she
1:25 am
slept in a single bed and woke up every morning and the first thing she saw was a huge lithograph of f.d.r. next to that was a place filled with knickknacks, stuff he would get up -- >> jon: what's a it have stphraoepb. >> like a glass cabinet. with shelves. >> jon: knickknacks he broughter? >> that's right. >> jon: but things like he's in an airport like "oh, i better glagrab a shot glass." >> exactly. little thing she is placed in a shrine. and when i found out she's the one who gave him the dog which he was so associated with. and i never -- when i found -- that was the one bit of information that -- i don't know why it shocked me so much but i just assumed it was a family dog. >> jon: there's an intimacy to giving someone a dog, i think, that surpasses even that type of illicit affair.
1:26 am
>> yeah. >> jon: i'm amazing that eleanor, being the woman that she was, she would allow all that other stuff. i would think she would draw the line -- >> with the dog. (laughter). >> jon: i know that sound strange but i can see that that would be a deal breaker. >> i think at that point f.d.r. was known to have many friendships with many women and there was a -- >> jon: there's museums all over. (laughter) >> it's true. >> jon: there's a bunch of lithographs of f.d.r. all over. >> he would sign them. >> jon: exactly. >> there was a constellation of women around him and they each had very different personalities and they each -- how sexual some of these relationships were is up for negotiations so to speak. >> jon: i'm sure it was. (laughter) i'm sure that's what they talked about at yalta. listen, did eleanor -- you know, -- there's so much to get into that we don't even have time about the king coming there to visit them this is 1939, we had not entered the war. this was their idea to get us involved. was it successful? >> profoundly successful and a
1:27 am
period of time when it's hard for me to even realize it that the u.s. didn't like britain very much at all. >> we're nervous about getting entangled. >> jon: and no royal had ever stepped foot in the united states before. so they came for a weekend to try to get support from f.d.r. to go and join them the war effort and f.d.r. very shrewdly threw a picnic and had the king eat a hot dog. (laughter) and it was that moment that changed the relationship between the count two countries. it's crazy. >> jon: explosive diarrhea will do that. (laughter) i'm telling you, you have to go see it. bill murray's great, you're great, everybody. it's terrific. it's called "hyde park on the hudson." you have to see it. laura linney, everybody. (cheers and applause) +j(5!v!v2a -k!h@0hax
1:28 am
1:29 am
disc Borrow a DVD of this show
info Stream Only
Uploaded by
TV Archive
on 12/12/2012